Consumption Log 26: Freeing myself from the Oscars
I'm sick of thinking about this messy messy show and all the messy messy mess that surrounds it.
A lot’s been happening. Almost too much. I have a lot to get through, but right now I’m just gonna talk about the Oscars. I need to rid my brain of the awards. I’m already tardy to the party on this one, so let’s just get it over with, gang. Expect a more comprehensive Consumption Log from the past few weeks in the coming days.
The Oscars made me feel, mostly, a lot of nothing.
This isn’t to say I didn’t enjoy myself. Or cringe into oblivion every time they tried to cut an acceptance speech. (Sure, let Chris Evans and Robert Downey Jr. do a completely unfunny Marvel bit, but let’s retract the microphone into the literal floor, turn the lights off, and blast music for the Best Original Song winners.)
Though I’ll always ride for Conan O’Brien. His opening felt very mid-2000s mashup, and he dealt with the many hiccups in the most Conan way possible. “We’re almost there, we’re almost there… we on? Ya never know!” Charisma off the charts. That’s my Host for Life.
My own personal ballot did pretty well. I opted to fill out versions of my preferred wins and of what I predicted the Academy would pick, and my Venn diagram setup paid off. I think Bugonia got shortchanged a bit, if only because I think Jesse Plemons was completely robbed of a Best Actor nomination, and if Emma Stone was deserving of any Best Actress win, it’s Bugonia over Poor Things any day of the week. I was also shocked that the score didn’t win, though I know Ludwig Göransson is the Academy favorite post-Oppenheimer.
I loved the One Battle After Another and Sinners wins, but am I allowed to say I was shocked that PTA got so much love? His first Best Directing win, and he pulled off Adapted Screenplay (it’s giving Sean Baker’s Anora sweep). Sean Penn wasn’t there to accept his Best Supporting Actor win, but that doesn’t change the fact that he tied the all-time record for male acting wins. I’ll die on the hill that Chase Infiniti not getting a Best Supporting Actress nod was one of the biggest snubs of the season. That’s the people’s princess down, PTA’s American Girl (made me weep, tbh). I didn’t necessarily need the Moulin Rouge reunion to present Best Picture, but Nicole Kidman giving Ewan McGregor’s chin a little tickle added at least 10 years to my life. I strive for her level of nonchalance.
Marty Supreme left empty-handed, and I feel vindicated. Timmy looked downright devilish on the red carpet, and he’s more deserving of the forthcoming Leo treatment than Leo was himself. I wonder what they’re gonna make 45-year-old Timmy do before giving him his win. Even Club Chalamet is sick of his shit.
The influencers, once again, embarrassed themselves on the red carpet
And now, I’ll take a second to get on my struggling journalist soapbox and acknowledge how absolutely out of hand it’s gotten having influencers do red carpet interviews. Jake Shane, Quen Blackwell, and Brittany Broski were the Vanity Fair-specific interviewers at the publication’s afterparty red carpet. Summer House’s Ciara Miller also represented The Cut at the pre-show (love her down, but seriously?). Kris Jenner, who I don’t necessarily support, read Jake Shane for filth with the question: “What is… how did you get this gig?” Kris, I am wondering the exact same thing.
Shane made repetitive and tone-deaf comments about If I Had Legs I’d Kick You, completely misunderstanding what the film aimed to say about motherhood. I loved seeing Julia Fox take over the conversation and put him in his place. He had nothing of substance to say and was caught on camera legitimately shrugging and rolling his eyes, whispering into Blackwell’s ear as Gabrielle Union left their interview. And then he blamed the writers when he bombed in front of Lewis Pullman. Maybe ask better questions and you wouldn’t feel like that! Maybe try not to simply mine interviews for 20-second viral snippets, and instead pose well-researched questions that naturally spark good conversation.
And they can still be funny! It was the afterparty, after all. But there was an innate lack of preparedness that seeped through every interaction. And yeah, I’m big enough to admit it made me jealous. What I, and what countless other aspiring entertainment journalists would do for that kind of gig. And to watch someone like Jake Shane, who’s openly admitted to his own lack of journalistic training, completely waste the opportunity, feels like the industry itself is mocking us for even thinking we’d have a chance to get there.
I’ve been a quiet Therapuss skeptic for a while now, and my distaste grew exponentially after seeing his SXSW interview with Rolling Stone, during which he denounced the idea that what he does is even close to journalism. Which, yes, thanks for acknowledging that. But in the next breath, he said he “doesn’t care” that celebrities likely go on podcasts like his to dodge journalists. It’s like he’s walking straight up to The Point and then still missing it. Isn’t that insulting to the very journalists you just tried to make a point about being completely different from?
Shane, Blackwell, and Broski’s spots on the red carpet aren’t necessarily surprising when you remember Vanity Fair itself published a feature calling Therapuss, Broski’s Royal Court, and Blackwell’s Feeding Starving Celebrities, among other influencer-and-celebrity-fronted shows, “the new late night.” These three shows, specifically, are built off either an innate fandom (see Lorde on Therapuss or Harry Styles on Royal Court), or a pre-established friendship and/or working relationship (like Gabbriette or Charli XCX on Feeding Starving Celebrities). What they really are is “the new press junket,” offering celebrities the easy way out of doing promo that doesn’t prompt any hard conversations, doesn’t challenge them, and doesn’t leave the interview up to a writer’s interpretation. Broski wouldn’t dare ask Styles about his preposterous ticket prices.
And that’s not to say these shows, specifically, are the only thing negatively impacting journalism. The industry itself barely has its eyes above water, let alone its whole head. Traditional media is dying; multimedia and video- and audio-based interviews are the future, the more preferred media both to be participated in by the interviewees and to be consumed by the masses. And shows like Sean Evans’s Hot Ones strike that perfect balance between levity and genuine, knowledge-based questions. The man does his research, and that’s truly the least we could ask for. Same with someone like Narduwuar, my absolute legend, whose whole schtick is built on shocking his guests with his nicher-than-niche knowledge of their pasts. Journalists and publications are actively playing catch-up, starting to put their staff on camera and develop some sort of reader-writer connection that makes people return to people like Amelia Dimoldenberg, Matt Rogers, and Bowen Yang. The second the media gets a hold of what “the new interview” is, it will probably already have changed.
Did Vanity Fair, specifically, learn nothing from last year’s Paige Desorbo/Hannah Berner debacle? Guess not. Mary Beth Barone is the only person with a podcast allowed on a red carpet with a microphone in her hand. If the influencers are gonna raid the carpets, they should at least look to Barone at the Globes to see how it’s done.
A moment for some looks
To top everything off, here are some of my favorite fits from the night. I also recruited some friends for their takes.
Teyana Taylor, Chanel
I’m certain even the ugliest of clothes would look stunning on Teyana Taylor. I loved this feathery gown and found it a little more showy than the typical Chanel red-carpet look, which I enjoyed seeing. Let the girls have their whimsy!
Chase Infiniti, Louis Vuitton
Infiniti has not missed this entire press run and awards season. This custom Louis Vuitton isn’t something I’d normally gravitate towards, but it just looked so good on her that I didn’t seem to care about the lilac or the ruffles. She makes anything look chic.
Elle Fanning, Givenchy
Class and poise. Elle Fanning’s bridal princess-adjacent Givenchy gown, paired with a 1903 Cartier diamond necklace, a low bun, and minimal makeup, was Old Hollywood perfection.
Chloé Zhao, Gabriela Hearst
The shimmer, the veil, the sleeves. Ex-husband’s funeral in the best conceivable way. She told Amelia Dimoldenberg that her look was channeling the idea of a crow, letting things die. Mourning Hamnet, maybe, but also making way for something new?
Rose Byrne, Jonathan Anderson
Nothing crazy, but the Best Actress nominee just looked great. I expect nothing less from Jonathan Anderson. And the red lip! She rocks it so well. I think I’m partial to these low ballerina buns, too.
Kirsten Dunst & Jesse Plemons, Celine & Lardini, respectively
The First Couple of Hollywood. Visions of class. Simple and effective. And more low buns!
Myha'la Herrold, Vanity Fair Afterparty, Valentino
Cooler than cool. I’m 50-50 on the sheer/naked dress trend that’s been happening recently, but the color, sleeves, and pattern do it for me here. The low, effortless ponytail, the little pieces coming out, the seductive side part. Talking about HBIC!
Kate Hawley, Rory William Docherty
When Frankenstein’s Kate Hawley took to the stage to accept the Oscar for Best Costume Design, I called out her loose, flowy, neutral-yet-showstopping look. It just feels like something a costume designer would wear, and I say that as the utmost compliment. I love the light, almost swishy-looking fabric with the flower-like bows tied across her chest. And the Tiffany brooches complete it. And what did I say about the low buns? She told Vogue she prioritized her comfort and emotional state when thinking about her look, which I found particularly charming as it’s how I approach every single thing I ever put on my body.
Grace’s Favorite: Emma Stone, Louis Vuitton
Loved her bob, loved the dress, loved the makeup. Just can’t look at her face for too long. Side parts really are back.
Juliet’s Favorite: Odessa A’zion, Afterparty, Harris Reed
She had fun with it, which is more than I can say for others. I love the primary-color-based patterns mixed with animal print, the fringe, and the literal construction of the dress itself. Maximalist down. I couldn’t watch the clips of her on the carpet, though; it was giving “what do I do with my hands.”
Hannah’s Favorite: Kate Hudson, Armani Privé
Aquamarine in a wonderful way. That’s her color! She just looks great. The people’s nepo baby.
And with that
I can finally put the bulk of awards season to rest. Good riddance.