Consumption Log
Some media I let get into the grooves of my brain this week
I feel like I’ve been consuming a lot more media recently. Media new and old (i.e., new to me). So much so that I feel should start writing about it or I’ll forget what I think about it all. Here we go.
Lady Gaga, MAYHEM
Yeah I mean obviously this was where I was gonna start. I could (and might) put together a longer explanation of my love for this album and my love for Stefani Germanotta in general. Between the album, SNL double duty, Las Culturistas, and literally so many other media moments, Gaga has been at the forefront of my mind since well before March 7. For at least the first week after it came out, MAYHEM was the only music that sounded good to my ears. “Killah” alone has done more for me in the last 11 days than basically anything else in my life. I want her SNL performance burned into my eyeballs. We need to wake up Prince. We need to wake up Michael Jackson. “Garden of Eden”???? “LoveDrug”???? “Shadow of a Man”????? The cure for an impending breakdown is “Zombieboy” directly in my veins. Dark pop, funk, disco, thrashing rock. My girl can do it all. And flawlessly. Michael Polansky thank you for getting our mother back to her roots.
The White Lotus Season 3 Episode 5
Where do I even start with The White Lotus? First, anyone who thinks this season is boring just lacks a certain whimsy necessary to truly enjoy things. I, for one, have been thoroughly entertained, and I loved seeing things start to come to a head in the latest episode. Victoria Ratliff (Parker Posey, my absolutely OG girl) is off her Lorazepam and finally showing us her real personality (“You want to live in Taiwan????” was Posey’s ticket to an Emmy nom). Meanwhile, her sons are on drugs making out on a yacht (yes I did cheer when Lochlan went back in for the second kiss. Also does anyone else think Saxon calling Lochlan “Lochy” is kind of giving dog and owner vibes?) and her husband is mere seconds away from ending it all. Gaitok is a cutie pie but an unfortunately useless security guard. Belinda is getting it on (rightfully so), perhaps her last hoorah before the season opener comes back around for her.
And we haven't even gotten to Sam Rockwell’s literal jaw-dropping monologue. He was really just vibing out in Thailand while his wife (Leslie Bibb, we’ll get to her in a sec) was filming and then stepped up for the cameo of a lifetime. Walton Goggins deserves an Emmy for his facial reactions alone. No one is brave enough to do it like Mike White these days.
And the girlie pops??? Carrie Coon I was not familiar with your game but I am right here with you. Leslie Bibb getting all kinds of Karen sitting on a lounge chair in her pajamas BEGGING these Russian bros to leave their villa, BEGGING her friends to cool their jets because everything just got way too real for her. Unfortunately, sometimes I feel like she is me in that way. I pride myself on knowing exactly when the party’s over.
I haven’t even gotten to Chelsea (Aimee Lou Wood). My Shayla. My crown jewel. The funniest, realest character this show has ever seen. Rick is actually so lucky to have her. I desperately need her to stay safe and alive. If anything happens to my astrology healer queen I’m fully prepared to do a 180 and say this was the worst season of The White Lotus I’ve ever seen. And can we take a moment for her Euphoria-esque pink sparkle eyeshadow look??? Iconic and I can’t wait to see every rave girl at Brooklyn Mirage doing their best renditions this summer.
Southern Charm Season 1
I started watching Southern Charm last week, mostly because I was curious to see young Craig Conover. I needed to do some research after he and Paige Desorbo’s breakup (Team Paige, I love my girl). What I wasn’t expecting to see were full-on plantations, families who have been in Charleston since before the US was even a thing, families who absolutely positively had many many slaves, a 21-year-old being impregnated by a disgraced 50-year-old?????? At first, I thought I was watching Kathryn’s entire life be ruined by episode two, but then yeah, by the end, I do think she got exactly what she wanted, and I’ll give it to Craig that he called it first. Sometimes Thomas Ravenel speaks and I just can’t believe people like him actually exist. This poor, backwards man. I feel equal parts disgust and pity.
Also, (not a new revelation, but new to me) Whitney Sudler-Smith is one of the creepiest, nastiest men I’ve ever seen given a platform. I can’t even describe how disgusting he makes me feel inside. His fuckass hair. His aviators. The fact that he calls himself a filmmaker but lives in his 70-year-old mother’s mansion. Get out of here with that shit.
I’m one to usually love Season 1 of a Bravo show because it feels the least produced and you know the cast hasn’t yet learned the consequences of acting debaucherous on camera. But sometimes I can’t believe how far these people took it. Like, I know it was 2014, but were we not a little bit more evolved by then? I just can’t believe this show aired, in Obama’s America no less, and everyone watched and Bravo was like yup, let’s run it back. And let’s do nine more seasons. But yeah, I will keep watching.
Helly R, in general
I think about Helly R at least once a day. I miss her. I want her back. I need to see her strut through the Lumon hallways soon or I will freak out. Severance Season 2 has been a slow burner for sure, but I’m holding off sweeping judgments until I see how Ben Stiller decides to go about the finale.
Gregg Allman, “I’m No Angel”
Definition of an oldie but a goodie. One of the only songs that’s sounded good in weeks filled with MAYHEM. Something about his vocals, the piercing guitar, and the pure emotion Allman flaunts in lyrics like “So I might steal your diamonds / I’ll bring you back some gold” just absolutely have me in a chokehold. Like, I believe you. Gregg Allman did his thing with this one.
Shoutout Cher (Allman’s ex-wife, sayer of the iconic quote “I am a rich man”) who performed this on her ‘89-’90 Heart of Stone tour. That’s on a petty queen.
Mickey 17
I saw Bong Joon Ho’s Mickey 17 last week and was obviously charmed by Robert Pattinson. But Naomi Ackie, who played Nasha, really took it for me. Ackie was the shining star of Zoe Kravitz’s directorial debut Blink Twice (one of my favorite movies of 2024) and she brought all of that tweaky insanity to Nasha. The movie went slightly too long for my liking but it was still a super entertaining watch and a great dark comedy to see in a theater. The most sci-fi, space-centered movie I’ve ever truly enjoyed without getting so much anxiety because I don’t understand the mechanics of space at all.
Also, Mark Ruffalo’s teeth. That’s all I have to say there.
And yes, I was waiting for the Mickeys to kiss and I was disappointed when they didn’t.
Opus
This movie is rightfully divisive (streets are saying it’s a mix of Midsommar meets The Menu meets Don’t Worry Darling meets Blink Twice and I don’t necessarily disagree with them), but between Ayo Edebiri, John Malkovich, and the fact that I identify as a wannabe music journalist, I fell on the side of loving this movie. Until the last 15-ish minutes, I spent the whole movie thinking Okay, scary, but, I’d also love it if this happened to me. Ayo Edebiri in a Radiohead tee kind of gave me all I needed. John Malkovich was giving us his best deranged, tortured-because-he’s-just-too-talented musician and the scene where he was dancing on everyone as he forced them to listen to his album was hilarious. Bonus points for Tony Hale, one of my favorites of all time.
Summer House Season 9
So many thoughts here. Summer House became one of my all-time Bravo shows last year (shoutout to my bestie Grace, my Bravo connoisseur), and while I watched Season 8 I went back and watched the other seasons I’d missed. My love for Amanda, Paige, and Ciara has only grown since last year, and I would give absolutely anything to lay in bed with them and debrief after a night out. Seeing Paige traipse around the house in her $6000 Prada dress as she absolutely obliterates Kyle Cooke was something I had no idea I needed. The Diplo quote will go down in history. That IS my nonna.
I’m also so violently disgusted by Jesse Solomon. He absolutely doesn’t have to date Lexi if he doesn’t want to, but how does this 32-year-old man-child not see these are merely the consequences of HIS ACTIONS? No one told you you had to declare Lexi the love of your life less than 24 hours after meeting her. No one told you you had to meet her parents (okay, maybe production told him, but my point stands). And now he’s all “I’ve ended hookups before committing and those are the relationships I regret not going further into. Maybe I should give this a chance?” Like. Cut to every 20-something girl watching who will use that quote as a sign that her situationship from when she was 19 still thinks about her every day. I unfortunately am not crazy about Lexi, mostly because of this whole situation. MOSTLY because it’s just painful to watch her fall for this guy who’s trying to take back everything he’s said to and about her. I’m praying that she finds some semblance of self-confidence and tones down the “Everyone bullies me because I’m soooooo pretty” dialogue.
I’ve also become very charmed by Carl Radke. Not in a romantic way. Like, at all. More just in an “I see you, I respect you” way. Him participating in Lindsay’s gender reveal scavenger hunt really killed me. He was so eager!! He was just being a good sport!! And the “It’s A Girl!” bib at the dinner table was just on another astral plane. Hate his veneers, but love his spirit these days.
Donatella VERSACE 💜
Last week, Donatella Versace stepped down as Versace’s creative director after almost 30 years in the position. Lots of models, editors, and other designers have been honoring Donatella’s reign online, and I’ve honestly just been enjoying all of that content. My girl was truly operating on another level than everyone else for YEARS. I will miss her. Queue “Donatella” by Lady Gaga, please.
Kaitlin Olson
Last week, an account by the name of lilgrapefruits tweeted “Some of the body language kaitlin olson pulls off in always sunny is really only comedically rivaled by like.. bugs bunny.” People have since flooded the quote tweets with some of Olson’s absolutely best body comedy moments from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, one of (in my opinion) the funniest shows ever put on TV. Olson’s male co-stars, Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton, Danny DeVito, and Rob McElhenney often get more attention and praise for their comedy than Olson. She seems to finally be getting her long-deserved moment. Her ability to keep up with and often outshine the rest of the cast is unlike anyone else, and she is so much of what makes Howerton, Day, and McElhenney so ridiculously funny together. Without Olson’s Dee there to fill the gaps and provide an alternative point of view, the gang would be a lot less tolerable.
Some of Olson’s absolute funniest moments are making the rounds on Twitter. My personal favorite is the clip referred to above, when Dee runs out of a store without paying for a pair of shoes and promptly slams her head into a car door. But there’s also the clip of Dee, trying to quench her thirst for human meat, aggressively pecking at a cheesesteak. Or Dee’s guttural gags and heaves when she tries to get her standup career off the ground. OR when she tries to do a “jackknife” in the pool and completely face plants.
This thread is also getting the people back to thirsting for an Olson-McElhenney-Howerton throuple. That’s MY Challengers. The world is healing.
And that’s all I’ve got right now. You should, in fact, expect more of these.
Real good- have not watch episode 5 yet.....